STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
