If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I skipped work to stalk him.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
