can u get pink eye on your cock?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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