at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
