No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
