dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
