I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
