I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i dont even know how to be here
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
