this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
