i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
