She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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