I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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