I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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