Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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