it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
