I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
