thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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