she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
