It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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