I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
