You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just had sex on a roof
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
