I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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