I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
