i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
