when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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