God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
