I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
