how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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