the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
