Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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