i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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