went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
