I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
