I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
