ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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