How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
