I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
