is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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