How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
