i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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