just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
