My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
