she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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