WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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