You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
