In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
