the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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