you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
