So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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