I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
