just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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